voice: un: darkSlayer

[kowase]

WHO: Vergil Vittore and You
WHERE: Libra App, his home
WHEN: May 1st
WHAT: Bear. In his house. Thought you'd like to know.
WARNINGS: Rated B for Bear.

[ whats more impressive than Vittore making one willing, public post to a social media network? Vittore making a second one after what a headache the first one was. and every other time he'd used this blasted network
But right now? right now, he feels he has no choice and he is FIGHTING to keep a calm demeanor as he leans up behind a cabinet he has pushed in front of the bathroom door. calm. ]

Greetings, Libra users. Vergil-- Vittore here again. I hope that I am not being too much of a bother on what I assume is another lovely Spring morning in Kaisou. But I have a very small request I'd like to put out to you.

If any of you have seen my brother Dante within the last hour or so, please, can you try to get ahold of him for me. He went out a while ago, I assume, to go spend the money I gave him for his work this week. I--

[ and then there's the very loud sound of something BREAKING over the voice call, and Vergil's voice, which up until this point was very calm, suddenly cracks JUST a little as he tries to continue the call with just as much calmness he had at the start. ....but what with how an Italian accent is starting to show in some words, it seems he's not as calm as he sounds. ]

I can hear his phone in his room.
He forgot it.

And as I have come upstairs to my apartment, somehow, some way, there is.

There is a Bear. There is a bear in my apartment and it has started to wander.

Please, if any of you can help--

[ ... and now is a great place for there to be a loud QUACK from somewhere very close to where vergil is. he makes a withering, irritated sound in his throat. ]

I swear if you're the reason the damn thing finds us, I will roast you whole.

[ help. ]

Comments

voice | un: blackbirdtarot

[drewthetower]

A bear?! Like a grizzly or something?

[kowase]

Yes.
Maybe?
Perhaps it's too small to be a 'grizzly', but it is a large brown bear.

[ he's calm. ]

It was in my bedroom when I came upstairs.

[drewthetower]

Jesus fucking Christ--call animal control and blame kids who saw Cocaine Bear?

voice; un: AUO

[throwmoreswords]

A bear, hm? Good for you, I didn't know you had it in you but I stand wildly corrected--pity you need to vet your selections better, but that's knowledge and wisdom that comes with time and experience.

[ Gil sounds relatively amused, and there's the soft sounds of clinking in the background. bitch is drinking at whatever o'clock, fight him outside, oh wait you can't, there's a bear in your apartment. ]

If he really won't leave--ah, you don't have security, do you? You could always call the authorities to have him trespassed, one supposes.

[kowase]

It isn't THAT kind of bear, you fool.

[ the exasperation in his voice is THICK. ]

If I could simply have the authorities will it away, do you not think I would have?!

Animal control hung up on me, thinking it was a prank call.

[throwmoreswords]

[ there's a long pause in his next response because he was going to ask 'what kind of bear is it, then' but uh. Animal Control gives a good ol' context clue and Gil is vapid, but not stupid. ]

To be fair, you have a sort of tone in your voice, so I suppose I can see why they'd think you were pretending distress, but I digress.

How did a bear--Grizzly, Winnie, what have you--get in your house?

Video: UN: hotgoss

[bebest]

Most of the time, I'd say finding a bear in your apartment would be a good thing. Some guys have all the luck.

[Is this helping? Is he being HELPFUL? Vergil does sound pretty stressed though, and Zulous should know, he has a doctorate in Stressing Vergil Out.

But also he feels the need to be an asshole sometimes, so with a whispered aside to the camera. ]

Vergil, sweetie, bears don't go quack. I think what you've got there is a duck. BIG difference.

[He knows a duck is not making all that racket. He KNOWS. And yet here he is.]

[kowase]

IT IS NOT THAT KIND OF BEAR. Orso--bear. Animal---

[ he's exasperated and he's letting his accent slip, Zulius you're catching the man dead. ]

And the stupid duck is an entirely-- [ another crash. then a low, rumbling sound from the kitchen. you can almost hear vergil release air, like a balloon. ]

I'm considering letting the duck be bait for the damn thing, it's BREAKING my things--

[bebest]

Just checking, I mean, if he's in your apartment stands to reason it'd be the sexy kind of bear.

[No, Zulius, it does NOT. Still, Zulius does like Vergil, so he'll show some mercy.]

Okay, okay. Deep breaths, untwist those panties. What sort of bear is it? Because there's like- different rules, right? About the bears? Like if you're supposed to run at it or play dead. You wanna get that part right.

So just to like. Double check. You've got a bear AND a duck? Just. In your apartment?

voice; un: freelancer

[lapislazily]

[Hm. Their spear training didn't cover bears.]

... I'm afraid my skills in animal wrangling are not quite up to snuff.

However, I can probably convince it to leave your apartment, if necessary.

[kowase]

Not everyone can be talented in all things.

If I could get it out myself, I would. Dante could do it, with his--ogre strength, I'm sure, but the FOOL left his damn phone at home...

...

Wait, what the HELL do you mean 'convince it to leave'???

[lapislazily]

It's true.

[Zhongli is calmly sipping tea on the other end of the line.]

Exactly what I said. Is that not an acceptable outcome? The bear will be out of your house and under wildlife control's jurisdiction instead.

Voice | Un: Velvet

[gotbadblood]

A bear?

Huh. I thought you said you didn't date.

[kowase]

ORSO.



ANIMALE.

[ he's losing his mind. whisper-yelling, because he can't let the bear know he's in the bathroom. ]

[gotbadblood]

Oh. You mean an actual bear.

How'd you get one of those in there?

1/?

[sassery]

[So Nox basically is in his condo when this post happens, mostly being bored and reading shit as time goes on. He's out from work for the day when this pops up on his feed.

And he hears it.

His first reaction is to hold back a laugh- which just makes this worse.]

[sassery]

[Because now he's shaking from trying not to laugh. And that fails MISERABLY.]

3/4

[sassery]

[Oh god, incredible, this is fucking amazing and now he's laughing so goddamn hard he's fallen off the fucking couch in his living room.

Christ on a cracker can you die from laughing too hard? Maybe? Possibly?]

voice; un: noxxed

[sassery]

[Excuse him, he's still laughing when he finally replies, but boy if that voice isn't familiar.]

Look at you, surprising me with new shit! Didn't think you'd actually be the type to befriend a bear, shows how wrong I was.

[He is being the literal worst.]

[kowase]

[ it's been a hell of a day and who comes to salt his wounds at the end of it but nero.

at this point he's just lying in bed and trying to forget everything and yet
here comes the prodigal son.
being the worst.

he stares at the incoming call and tries to consider hanging up on nox--what do kids call it these days--leaving the other person on read?


....he answers the call. he listens. and he sighs.]

Stai zitto, testa di cazzo.

[ he almost hisses, exasperated. ]

I did not befriend the damned Orso, nor did I invite it in.

Don't.
Touch the flowers.

[advivo]

[ dante had been enjoying his little trip out up until a pair of birds started to endlessly harass him bringing back immediate memories of griffon, he ignored them at first but once the birds appeared to have no intention of leaving him alone he gave in. good thing he did, because it was then he noticed the note they had brought along with them. something, something, something, bear, something, something, vergil trapped in the bathroom.

what?

it had only been then that he realized he left his phone at home and thus no real way of confirming the message sent, but from the way the birds had been harassing him... before dante knew it he had turned around and began to head back ─ before dante knew it a familiar surge of power all but exploded from his chest, his form shifting, wings stretching out, and he had taken to the skies. oh, welcome back dante. ]

Vergil!

[ his voice reverberates loudly as though passing through multiple filters, bouncing off the walls of the shops as he steps inside still in his devil form, wings folding in as he shifts back into something more human-shaped. at least he got back quickly, you gotta take those little victories when you're able. ]

Oh, big brother? Where or where do you be?

[kowase]

[ still stuck in the bathroom. still hiding out in the shower stall. he's calmed down a whole lot, thankfully, given that uh
the bear has decided to entertain itself eating everything it can get its big old paws on in the kitchen.

Maybe later there can be cause for celebration with brother dearest having gotten his devil form back, but for now, the moment Vergil hears his brother's voice, there's a sense of relief that washes over him.

One that feels ... oddly alien, as he'd somehow resigned himself to be stuck here for god knows how long.
Noone would come to help him, he was... ]

--Dante!

You-- [ IDIOT, he almost calls out, but that'd reveal the overwhelming sense of relief that was starting to spill out of his throat. nope, can't show that much weakness. his voice was somewhat muffled, given he's you know. behind a closed door, with the bathroom cabinet pushed up against it, but-- ]

There's a goddamn BEAR in the kitchen. Be careful!

Can you--

[ god this was going to sound fucking pathetic. ]

Get rid of it, in a way that won't destroy the house? [ this was the most ridiculous thing to happen to him in his life. why. ]

[advivo]

[ maybe later dante will spend more than five seconds thinking about it, may even revel in how much better he feels, but his mind is far more focused on the fact that vergil definitely sounds like he is up in the bathroom and he is actually saying there is - in fact - a bear in the house. dante doesn't know whether to laugh or not. there is actually a bear in the house. ]

Come on, Verg, I'm always careful!

[ okay step one; remove bear from the house, step two; free vergil from the bathroom, step three; laugh until your stomach is sore. with a scoff dante half jogs up the stairs to the apartment, sparing a glance down towards the bathroom before turning and slowly moving toward the bathroom.

does he actually have a plan for getting said bear from their home? no. but he'll figure it out when he gets to that point. ]

Alright, mister bear, I'm afriad you've overstayed your welcome.

Text; Un: Dynamight

[callmekacchan]

Bears are becoming weirdly common around here?
Have you tried fighting it?

Re: Text; Un: Dynamight

[kowase]

I do not like the insinuation that this is a common occourance.

...

And no, I did not even consider such a thing. I am a shopkeepet with a fascination for weaponry, But I have absolutely no battle experience.

...

Not in this life, at least. I am sure my old self would find no problem with this issue I am having, but I assure you, If I were to engage this bear, it is a battle I would quickly lose.