...I know how that feels. You can work yourself to death day after day until you reach your absolute limits, and it still isn't enough to do what you feel like you need to. But you can't destroy yourself trying to attain some imagined perfection. [That's only okay when he does it.] You're still young. You have time to refine your abilities gradually, at your own pace and without putting strain on yourself. What you're doing now is already enough, but if you want to improve then don't rush yourself.

I'd rather have conjecture and caution over a spirit screaming in my ear come next month, so being able to prepare for a known issue is already more opportunity than I usually get back home.