text: un:idontcare

[jaxoff]

WHO: Jax and you!
WHERE: Libra app
WHEN: 22nd March
WHAT: Jax returns to the app and this is everyone's problem now.
WARNINGS: None so far.



Hey losers, your favourite corporate wage slave is back! APPARENTLY, Janet got so peeved that I blocked her from the app once that she complained to HR and they decided me being put back on this hellscape was fitting punishment. Freaking rude if you ask me.

So that's what I get for helping get the word out for kidnapped people, no good deed, amiright? Anyway, I know you're all super delighted to have me back again. Don't gush about it all at once. What'd I miss?

Comments

un: hextechnician

[hexcrafter]

Well, your efforts did notably help. Though I'm sorry it landed you in undesirable trouble as a result.

text; un: antiva

[mmmleather]

Oh really? They have the power to bring people back, if they leave?

[jaxoff]

I mean, lbr, Janet's been after me for YEARS, Vik. She was gonna get me eventually. So if you're wondering why she's walking around the office like she just won the freaking lottery, that's why.

I did tell her this is why no one likes her.

[jaxoff]

I mean I work for Zodiac so I technically never went anywhere. I just got a break from actively being part of all the insanity that you people get dragged into. But yeah, if Janet has it out for you enough, she can in fact bring you back.

It's ok tho. I'm gonna put a scorpion in her lunchbox tomorrow. I got a scorpion guy.

[hexcrafter]

Harsh, but true.

[Ordinarily he hated being called any shortened version of his name, but that was recognized as a losing battle when it came to Jax and thus went unremarked upon most of the time.]

I do not doubt her good mood will fail to last, for whatever that might be worth.

[mmmleather]

Ah. I must say, I envy you that. I, too, would have enjoyed not being part of that particular... incident.

[Wait hold up-]

You have a "scorpion guy".


Go on.

[jaxoff]

[ Fighting it will only make it worse for him.]

Oh yeah, I'm already planning to ruin her WHOLE month. I got plans and pipelines. This will not go unavenged!

I'm gonna go with a scorpion in her lunchbox first and then work from there. I'm trying to decide between a flashbomb in her waste paper basket or hot sauce in her coffee. What do you think?

[jaxoff]

Yeah well. No one wants to be kidnapped and tortured by a sociopath. I'd think you were mayor of crazy town if you did.

Sure. A guy who has scorpions. Who can give ME a scorpion! With no questions asked. Everyone should have a scorpion guy.

[hexcrafter]

The latter. If you set off the fire alarm and make us evacuate on a day I'm in the office, I might hit you with my crutch.

[mmmleather]

No, they truly should not. I would only wish it upon my worst enemy. Which, at this point, is a possessed dragon, so…

How does one acquire a “scorpion guy”? Are there other sorts of venomous animal men about?

[jaxoff]

Awwww c'mon. It'd be funny. And we'd get at least an hour off while they put the fire out.

You can get someone to carry you down the stairs.

[hexcrafter]

And you will need someone to carry you out when I give you a concussion.

[He would never, honestly. But the trick was knowing that no one else knew that for sure.]

[jaxoff]

How'd you cheese off a possessed dragon? Like, did you steal his hoard or something? Was this a Smaug situation?

For ME, I found a guy who sells exotic pets and updated his computer system on the promise he'd give me bugs whenever I asked with zero questions. You gotta have some leverage when it comes to scorpion guys.

[jaxoff]

You'd have to catch me first and I'm faster than you.

[ He is not as convinced he IS fast enough to avoid it as he makes seem, but he's an expert at pretending! ]

[hexcrafter]

That may be true, but I have an abundance of time and patience and your office is incredibly susceptible to elaborate traps.

[mmmleather]

Oh, the usual... it is commanding an army of monsters to destroy the world and everyone in it. So, naturally, we must stop it.

[NATURALLY.]

Hm. That would be useful to have. Other sorts of poison are difficult to find here, as, people generally do not plant them in their gardens or parks.

un: photocutie

[trailblazingspirit]

JARRY'S BACK

I missed you on the app!! I mean yeah we hung out last week but you missed SOOOOO much stuff!!

[jaxoff]

Gasp! Vik! Are you turning to the dark side? Are you setting traps now?

I'm wiping an imaginary tear from my eye. They grow up so fast.

[Jax, Viktor is 16 years older than you. ]

I'm so proud right now.

[jaxoff]

Cool. You gonna stab it?

[Jax please. ]

Oh that one's easy! You just need to go to Undertown. There's a ton of shady people down there who'll sell you a poison. Who do you wanna off? Colleague? Friend? Jilted ex?

[jaxoff]

I'm back!

You are gonna give people the wrong impression about us saying stuff like that, wow. People might think we're friends ;)

[ He knows they're friends. She knows they're friends. This doesn't work on her any more, but here he is, pretending they do. ]

Okay, Seventh, lay it on me. What happened?

[hexcrafter]

It is very cute that you think me incapable of being moderately annoying.

[jaxoff]

Oh no, no no. I think you can do it - I wanna SEE it. I never thought you would.

Now the big question is, are you gonna use these powers for good or evil?

[hexcrafter]

Chaotic neutrality, at worst. I think it is much less morally questionable to prank someone who aggravates you.

[jaxoff]

I dunno. I think you could really let off some steam if you just let it all loose once in a while. It's really cathartic.

[mmmleather]

If I have the opportunity, of course. But, dragons are a bit too large for a simple stab to end them, alas.

[They're so big and so much.]

Hm. That is a possibility. But then, you can never verify the potency. Something meant to cause sleep or illness might kill the target instead, you see.

For now, no one. I merely like being prepared.