kaisou | I love you, so don't be mad ok

[ Video Feed opens up to an image of (1) Sampo Koski. Anyone who recognises one of the main offices of PokeGO would instantly realise that he's sitting in one of the break rooms, and there's such an easy-to-see image of a certain ~~Cold Dragon Young~~ Dan Heng looming behind him, arms crossed, watching him like a mother watching their child apologise to their teacher for misbehaving in class. ]

Heyyyy, fam. It's your favorite fella, Sampo Koski. I hope everyone's having a GREAT day--okay, yes okay, I'm getting to it-- [ there was something like a sharp prod against his leg as he almost dodges the point, but he's GETTING to it, okay!? Put the tail away, Dragon Man! Sheesh when did you get so tall... ]

A-hem. Anywayyyyy.... So this lucky guy went on a walk around Kanto the other day with a real good pal and I found something prett-yyyy cool. Even though your old friend didn't. Realise how. Really cool it was, and all...
Look, really RARE things shouldn't just be sitting out in the open like that! It's easy to mistake a diamond for quartz when it's just in the middle of the first rock you pick up, you know?

Anyway.

Herba Mystica.

It's a pret-ty rare plant, all things considered and... well. I know there's been a-buzz about some people lookin' for really powerful medicinal things to help some people in the city with some ailments they're struggling with...

And since I'm SUCH a nice guy! And since all of you banded together to help me with my rock problem, well!
I just thought. Maybe.

I dunno.
We could get some folks willing to join me--US! PokeGo! Even if you're not with the group, you know--in being able to come along and maybe... help a guy find more of this plant? And this time not pick it without thinking?

...be a pal...?

No pressure, though, I uh. I'll be doing my best to help and do a lot of work too! So. Come on, whadda ya all say?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[....

The POKEGO botanist asks, in a small and almost fearful voice.]

What did you do to the Herba Mystica?

Um.

It doesn't really matter, it was small anyway, we probably needed a bigger sample...

What did you do.

[...

After taking a bit to brew some tea so as to not scream at what might have happened to a goddamned Herba Mystica.]

You know I can feel Maple aura farming from across the screen.

[And it's only because Dan Heng gave Sampo The Look(tm) that Wei Wuxian isn't giving ol' clown friend the same Look(tm). We don't need two Moms giving him that.

Anyway, siiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.]

[Dan Heng clears his throat pointedly.]

....Sssso is that a no, or...?

Edited 2025-11-12 00:23 (UTC)

[ YEEEK ]

I mistook it for watercress and ate it.

[ YELPED. ]

[yeah no tea's not enough, time to break out the last of the emperor's smile.]

NO KIDDING. I've been SHOT before and I swear it hurt less...!!

Help meeee...... [ he clears his throat Yes! So! Help me... find some Herba? ...Please?

That's a 'what did you do to a potentially crucially important plant'.

You got a chance to taste it before whatever happened to it, right?

[Arceus, that makes it sound like you'd be more disappointed if he didn't eat it......]

[Oh Jun, he never wanted you to find out this way. Or any way.]

My apologies, Jun. I was the companion on that expedition and I'm afraid I was only able to bag samples left from the sandwiches.

Sam? What did you do? Dan Heng only gives that look when you fuck up and you fuck up big time.

The "real good pal" you mentioned already brought me into the loop, so you can count me in for helping-- I know Herba Mystica from my past life, so I definitely want to lend a hand.

[And, actually, now that she thinks about it--]

I was already gonna bring my cousin to Kanto anyway, so maybe if he wants he can lend a hand too.

I ate it, okay. I.

...Herba Mystica is supposed to be this INSANELY RARE, hard-to-find plant that doesn't exist in Kanto and I found it near some bushes outside a cave in Kanto I thought it was wild watercress because it looked similar, it just.

...

You know.
Tasted better.

Weeeeeeghhhh Arceus I need a hug everyone's MAD AT ME I

...

Yea I ate the whole sandwich, it was ... really good... The part we salvaged was from Lycaon's sandwich...

"I mean, if it's something I can help with... Maybe I can see if any of my friends want to, too?"

Excepting a certain Archer, of course.

Aiyahh... Rule number one is don't put anything in your mouth that you don't know what it is! Does "Happy Snacking, Don't Die" mean nothing these days?

[Okay, okay, that's enough of disappointed Mama Xian. But he will siiiiigh about it.]

Yes, yes, yes, I'll help you. I was looking for something like this myself, after all.

Oh, easy.

I fucked up and I fucked up big time.

[Soft Noibat chittering in the background.]

Mr. Koski. Veronika would like to pass on a message to you.

If I were to...literally translate, I believe she is saying, and I quote:

"That's what you get, clown."

...

[That eye twitch was probably normal.]

And you ate a random plant that might have been wild watercress, because...?

[.... There is a pause as Jun pinches his nose and takes a deep breath. A couple deep breathes]

Okay first, please don't eat wild plants unless you're 100% sure what they are.

Second... I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed, okay?

[ :3 ]

You are in deep trouble now, my friend.

[ unfortunately for Sampo, Gilgamesh can read. ]

Samuel Anthony Kovacs.

What key lesson are you avoiding when it comes to putting strange objects you've no knowledge of on your person and particularly in your mouth?

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I love you, so don't be mad ok

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