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kaisou2024-06-03 09:10 pm
JUNE EVENT LOG
June Event
Dominant Element: Light
Waning Element: Shadow
Full Moon: June 21st - June 23rd
※
Summer is here! Gone are the dark nights of May, with the daylight hours stretching until pretty late. The weather is hot, but not unbearably so. This is the kind of weather that one would call "idyllic summer". Those who have lived in Kaisou awhile will know June is the summer month with the best weather, so it's best to enjoy it while you can. And if you are out after the sun has finally set, they will get to enjoy the Spirit Vein at it's most dazzling. The dominance of light element causes the vein to glow brilliantly with all sorts of colors on the visible spectrum, making it appear like an ever changing rainbow that lights up the night.
Kaisou Pride♪- I Wanna Dance With Somebody
As is the case every June, Kaisou goes all out with its Pride celebrations. Almost every street corner flies rainbow flags, with fliers advertising street parties and meetups all month. As always, capitalism can't resist getting its claws into this- stores all over the city offer speciality drinks, apparel or treats, trying to entice people in with how progressive they are. How legitimate these efforts are or not are mixed, but if you ever really wanted to try a rainbow boba, now's your chance!
In the middle of June, Kaisou has a massive pride parade, snaking a vast pathway through various districts in the city. Vendors can be found dotted around the route, selling every kind of pride flag you can imagine, along with noisemakers and bubble wands. Rainbow cupcakes and drinks can also be found to keep you fed and hydrated while you enjoy the parade. You can even take part, if you so wish- sign-ups can be found throughout the start of the month- so if you want to strut your stuff in front of the whole city, you can!
The Kitsune are not about to let what is clearly a great business opportunity pass them by! This month, for the price of a secret, they're offering rainbow candy, promising it will help give some energy for extra partying. What they actually do is encourage you to divulge any secrets you have with little to no prompting. They're trying to get a little extra gossip, the sneaks! You might want to get these off the market before more dangerous tea is spilt than if you think your friend looks fat in hats. Find and destroy the rainbow candy to the best of your ability- and if you find someone afflicted by them, be a good smartian and get them out of sight until the candy wears off in a hour or two.
Fabulous SeasonNever, ever to be outdone or outshone by the city itself, The Vogue Theatre goes as all out as it possibly can. The place is often bedecked with pride flags, but it has gone into overdrive for June. The bar has had tables shifted to allow for more congregating and dancing, with every evening promising parties with bright lights and every pride song under the rainbow blaring through the speakers. The bar has a new mix of speciality pride-themed cocktails and mocktails- with a note on the bar stating that the total drinks sales for June would be divided among various queer support charities in the city- so you are doing GOOD by having a night out here this month. If you're brave enough, you can also try the Vogue's annual Drink the Progress Flag Challenge- an 11-drink-strong competition, if you win, you get to have your picture put up behind the bar. After what is only called "the Venti incident" by staff, anyone taking part in the competition needs to give an emergency contact number for someone who can drag your drunk ass home.
The theatre itself has exclusively queer-centric performances this month. This year's selection is A Strange Loop, La Cage Aux Folles, and Falsettos. During the day, you can also find classes in designing and sewing fabulous drag outfits- along with makeup tutorials and choreography lessons. Anyone is welcome to take part, either as an instructor or as a student, which will be needed because...
The last weekend of June hosts "Fabulous Season" - a drag competition! Drag queens and kings alike are encouraged to enter, with the promise of a $5,000 prize for winning. The dressing rooms in the theatre are decked out and ready for the contestants to use to prepare. Established drag kings and queens from the city are around to provide support and advice- though they are encouraged to help each other, too. While contestants are welcome to duck out of challenges they don't want to do, they will be awarded "Fabulous Points" for everything they take part in and score highly in. Challenges include such things as a lip-sync battle, best drag competition, snatch game (impersonating a celebrity of their choice) and a choreography battle. The winner of the show is the drag act who has garnered the highest number of Fabulous Points at the end of the competition. After the drag race is over, there will be one last big blow-out party to see Pride Month out. The Vogue will be closed for the first week of July, so the staff take a well-earned break so enjoy yourself while you can!
Pink Goes With Everything!ALERT: SPIRIT REALM ANOMALY DETECTED
Element Classification: Light
Danger Level: Low
Designation: Barbie Land
Zodiac has detected a Spirit Gate at Kaisou Beach. We have been reached out to by a resident of the gate for a request of assistance concerning a complex matter. Please visit the Zodiac offices for more information.
The Zodiac offices are bustling as always - they will not comment on what happened last month, if you ask. It turns out Jarry was honest when he told you all that Zodiac doesn't know what happened. Regardless, they have bigger fish to fry, currently. You'll find The Professor (Fuzzy) is still on sabbatical, so one of the interns has been trying to handle things and they're honestly on edge about it. They explain another envoy has come out of the latest Spirit Gate to enlist the help of the app users of Kaisou. Zodiac employees seem a little perturbed by this one, and when you head off to meet her, you can see why.
Waiting for you is a woman who looks like someone who's been Through It. She introduces herself as Weird Barbie- yes, she insists, exactly like the doll. She explains she comes from Barbie Land- Mattel's biggest secret. Her world is where all the Barbies and Kens live their perfect plastic lives, powered by the imagination of the children who own them. She, herself, was the Barbie of someone who "played too hard" with her- which explains her... everything and probably why she keeps doing the splits everywhere. She tells you that the "membrane" between the Real World and Barbie Land is getting thin again. Last time this happened things got "hinky". The Barbies and Kens affected by this need to be snapped out of their existential crises before it spreads to all of Barbie Land. Again.
Weird Barbie tells you to lessen the damage of "Real World Junk" leaking through, you need to blend into Barbie Land. This means you need to be assigned as either a "Barbie" or a "Ken" and live that role to the best of your abilities as you try and fix the existential dolls dotted around the Land. Weird Barbie will tell you the assignments will be regardless of gender or lack thereof- no one cares. All that matters is if you are a Barbie or a Ken.
Barbies: Are amazing, talented and beautiful. You can be ANYTHING you want to be! Literally any job ever. Astronaut? Doctor? President? The world is your oyster! Everyone LOVES you! You live in a Dreamhouse- which you understand is some kind of mansion. It's like the world revolves around you- because it does. You have a fabulous wardrobe at all times. Your feet are permanently on tip-toes, ready for your glamourous high-heels. Your hair is always perfect.
Kens: Basically exist only to simp for Barbies. You get weird, pointless, nonsensical jobs like "beach" or "sword" or "ice cream". These seem more like hobbies than actual jobs, but everyone in Barbie Land act as if "beach" is a legitimate career choice. People tend to forget about you after you've spoken, and if a Barbie is around? Forget about it. You do not live in a Dreamhouse. You live outside. Like a stray animal. You still have a great wardrobe though.
With your Barbie or Ken assigned role, you must now travel to Barbie Land. Unfortunately, once you step through the gate it is not as simple as just showing up in Barbie Land, oh no. You must traverse the needlessly complicated travel route to get there. First, you need to don your very plastic, very YELLOW rollerblades, then you ride a pink snowmobile, drive in a pink campervan, then ride a pink tandem bike, after than you must ride a pink rocketship, sail in a pink boat and finally drive a pink convertible which will FINALLY bring you to Barbie Land. If you want to go back to Kaisou at any point, you must do the same... just in reverse. Why? They don't know, that's just how it is. Real weapons are not allowed in Barbie Land- so any weapons you might have on you will turn into plastic variants. You will also find your powers no longer working.
Life In PlasticWhen you finally make it to Barbie Land, the first thing you're bound to notice is that everything is plastic. Everything. The second thing you'll notice is how pink everything is. Every shade of pink there is! While other colours certainly exist in Barbie Land, it's hard to deny that pink is the most dominant colour palette. The world is dominated by Barbies and Kens, all living their perfect, happy lives. There are a couple of Skippers- Barbie's tween sister and a few Midges - Barbie's pregnant friend. There is also Allan. There are no multiples of Allan. There is only Allan. If you ask him about it, he explains the other Allans escaped into the Real World to form *NSYNC. He's the only one aside from Weird Barbie who seems to be fully aware of what's actually happening. You will be referred to as either Barbie or Ken no matter how many times you remind the citizens of Barbie Land what your name actually is (often with an obnoxious "Hi Barbie!" or "Hi Ken!!"). Allan will remember your real name. Allan is a bro.
If you are blessed enough to be a Barbie, you will be ushered to your very own Dreamhouse. This is a two-storey home, with everything a Barbie could ever wish for. Like everything else in Barbie Land, the whole home is plastic. The walls are see-through, this is so you can see all the other Barbies in their own Dreamhouses and wave at them. And be waved at. Privacy does not exist in Barbie Land. Barbies own a luxurious bed- with a slide that goes right down from your bedroom to the pool. The pool has no water in it- you can stand on it- it's just a sticker decal. In fact, NO actual water seems to exist in Barbie Land at all. You stand under a waterless shower and while you can feel the perfect-temperature water, no water seems to exist at all. It's weird. Barbies will find a fabulous wardrobe waiting for them. You don't even have to physically get dressed! All you need to do is stand in front of it, give a little twirl, and magically the outfit will be on you! While your powers may be nerfed, both Barbies and Kens will find they can just float around- as if picked up by invisible hands and moved from one place to the next.
Regardless of if you are a Barbie or a Ken, you will still feel like flesh and blood, but you will find you no longer need basic things such as food, water or warmth to survive. Which is probably a good thing because there's none of that. The fridge in the Dreamhouse only has fake plastic food which you can mime eating- you can almost TASTE it like it's real though. You can pour yourself a glass of juice, and while no juice comes out and nothing is there to drink, you can swear you're drinking a fresh glass of OJ. The oven in the Dreamhouse is just a decal sticker- so no cooking of any kind can actually go on. Given there's no fire in Barbie Land, that's probably for the best.
Kens, of course, get none of the "luxury" of the Dreamhouse. Kens seem to congregate on the beach, in packs. They have no dwelling of any kind, they just hang around, waiting for Barbie to start her day and bless them with her presence. You can try and sleep in a Dreamhouse if you find a Barbie willing to put up with it- but the other Barbies in the area will find it really weird- that's not where Kens go!!! Despite this, Kens always have a perfect outfit on, though where the outfits come from is anyone's guess. The Kens sure don't know! They just magically appear on them.
Finally, the beach is the most popular place to be! Like everything else in Barbie Land, it's plastic. The sand is one single plastic sheet with ridges cut into it to mimic sand banks. The ocean, similarly, is one sheet of blue plastic, with the occasional raised faux-wave sitting in the middle. Weirdly, sometimes Mer-Babies and Kens will pop up out of... somewhere in that ocean to wave hi to you. Don't think about it too hard. Barbies and Kens alike spent time lounging on sunbeds or playing exciting games of volleyball. Sometimes, Kens get overexcited and threaten to "beach" each other off. It's not quite clear what that is- no one seems to want to ask.
Life's A BeachAnd so you settle into your new Barbie/Ken life. If you're a Barbie, you wake up with your perfect hair, go to your perfect job and then spend time on the beach. Kens are just always on the beach. Waiting for their Barbies. Nights are often filled with Dreamhouse parties, with perfectly choreographed dance numbers. The temperature is always perfect, it never rains. Every day is absolutely perfect- and every single day is exactly the same. Forever. You can start to see where there might be a problem here.
You'll soon come across why you were brought here in the first place. Barbies and Kens have started to feel the influence of the Real World. They have started to feel existential dread, and you can often find them standing or sitting around Barbie Land, looking horrified and quietly asking you if you ever think about death. Barbies start to get flat feet, bad breath and worst of all- cellulite! Kens meanwhile start to get increasingly self-conscious about their dependency on Barbie and feel a need to sing their "favourite song" (Matchbox 20's "Push") while staring intently and uncomfortably at a Barbie. It's all pretty... unnerving. This seems to be a contagious problem- when an infected Ken or Barbie spends too much time with another, talking about how freaked they are by the weight of existence- it can spread to the unwitting companion. This is something you need to fix before every Ken and Barbie in Barbie Land is an anxious, depressed mess- this isn't the Real World, after all!
You head up to Weird Barbie's Dreamhouse atop the highest hill in Barbie Land. She lives there with all the discontinued Barbies and Kens- such as Barbie Video Girl (she has a video in her back, who WANTS that?), Earring Magic Ken (it's magic!) and Growing Up Skipper (don't press her arm!). They explain that the last time the membrane between Barbie Land and the Real World was so thin, the Kens tried to bring The Patrichary into Barbie Land and brainwashed a bunch of Barbies into doing their bidding. It was a miserable time and they don't want to deal with it again. Weird Barbie tells you that you need to help the infected Barbies and Kens work through their feelings. Then, they need to decide if they want to go back to their perfect plastic lives or if they want to keep living it rough as humans in the Real World- which means bringing them back to Kaisou with you. She warns anything you do regardless will have an effect on toys in the Real World, so try not to make too big a mess of things, huh? Kids still need Barbies and Kens to be able to enjoy their imagination without the horrors of existence pressing in on them.
What Was I Made For?So now you have the tricky tasks of trying to help doll-people who have no real experience with reality learn to understand what it is and how to cope with all the feelings they're being bombarded with. It would be wise to team up with another app user to try and figure this out. There are countless options you can pick to help here- perhaps you will show a Barbie/Ken a movie on your phone, something to move them. Perhaps you'll give them a fun day of distractions from The Terrors. Maybe you can sit and tell them stories of your own life. Maybe one of you will try some armchair therapy. Whatever you feel best, go for it- it probably can't mess them up more than they already are. Probably. Maybe while you're at it, you can suggest better living conditions for the Kens, too! What's to stop them from having their own Dreamhouse? Maybe even... a beach house?!
Weird Barbie's words were true. Whatever you do to the Barbies and Kens does have an effect on the Real World too. Those in Kaisou (or those who go back to visit while the realm is active) will find toys mimicking their work in you stores all over the city. You told a Barbie about the time you went to Atlantis? Submarine Barbies are flying off the shelves! Suddenly, Ken's Beach House can be found on sale despite never having existed before. This means some of your... less pleasant memories and stories can appear too if you shared them with a Barbie or Ken. Who is Demon Fighter Barbie really for? No one knows, but they're on sale now!
It turns out the membrane making Kens and Barbie act more alive also works the other way. You might start to believe you really are Ken or Barbie. That this fake plastic life you have, with your fake plastic job (or non-job) is completely real. You start to forget your real name, your real past, your real life. You start to embrace this wonderful, plastic life where nothing is ever sad or complicated. Unlike the Barbies and Kens who might pick the Real World, you really can't stay behind in Barbie Land. It is up to your friends to reprogram you and remind you of who you really are. Luckily most of the tactics you can use on the Barbies and Kens to calm them down do wonders in bringing an infected app user back to reality.
And so you spend your month trying to fix a pile of various existential crises both from doll people and people-people. Eventually, you are able to get things to a decent equilibrium again. Some of the infected Barbies and Kens do decide that they want to continue existing as real people- even if it can be ugly and painful at times, because it has so much wonder too! Others decide that they'd rather sink back into their plastic wonderful lives and forget all about that Thinking About Death nonsense. Either way, the disaster has been averted and Barbie Land is saved!
With Barbie Land restored to normal you can sit and enjoy the plastic perfection for a little while longer- though do try not to be sucked too deep into the world, lest someone has to snap you out of it. You can also go into Kaisou proper to help the Barbies and Kens who chose humanity over the doll life adjust to their new existence. Like most city dwellers, they have no access to the app, but they do remember those they met in their old world- they still won't use your actual name. One of the Barbies even has multiple qualifications and even a Nobel Prize in physics! She takes on a job in Zodiac- covering The Professor (Fuzzy) while he is still on sabbatical. The Professor (Barbie) will be handling your Zodiac missions for the foreseeable- fun! She lives in the Zodiac building with her best friend, Ken.
OOC plotting post can be found here.
Ritsuka Fujimaru | Fate/Grand Order
After the events of last month, Ritsuka had been rather sternly forbidden from doing anything resembling real exertion, let alone risk, while she was recovering. A mandate backed and enforced by pretty much all of her friends, at that, so there was really no wiggle room to get out of it. Still, bedrest was boring and Ritsuka preferred having company (even moreso than she usually did, had she stopped to think about it) so she was taking any chance she could to be out and about around the city. Running light errands, going to watch the local events, so long as it wasn't strenuous or taking her to a dangerous part of town.
Which was to say, she could be found here and there around Kaisou throughout the month, perhaps taking a stroll in the park, or enjoying a fancy treat, or even just hanging out at the mall like a normal person who wasn't brutally attacked just a few weeks ago. Wherever you find her though, she always was quick to smile at a familiar face.
"Oh, hey there!"
[Closed to Waver and Diarmuid]
As the middle of June approached, Ritsuka had had sufficient time to recover and, more importantly, to start to properly think about things, that it started to raise some questions. Amongst other things. Fortunately for her there were two people in particular she both trusted and who would probably at least understand the issue. Maybe even shed some light on it.
Just as she was trying to decide how best to approach it, however, Waver managed to preempt her with an invitation to come over and have dinner with him and Diarmuid, which as far as Ritsuka was concerned was perfect timing. And not just because Waver's cooking was pretty darn good.
So it was that she found herself there one Sunday evening, finishing off the last of her meal and pondering how best to broach the topic...
"That was all really good."
Well, once she was done enthusiastically complimenting the food, that was.
[Wildcard]
None of these work for you? Feel free to throw in something of your own, or hit me up in PM or on Discord (Altocumulus) if you'd like to plot something!
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Not for lack of trying.
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"It is the strangest thing, isn't it? It has yet to happen with me during the times I've cooked." Which honestly makes Waver better for it considering the mana they need to supplement and the subsequent huge appetites from both adult men. Correlation not made to the wet Genshin shiny charm yet, don't worry about it.
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"I suppose just trying to make a little less wouldn't work, huh?" That, or simply having leftovers much more often, perhaps. "I don't think I've heard of that happening to anyone else I know, either..."
So, she had no clue what the culprit could possibly be, either. But, all that aside...
"It's nice to get a chance to talk to both of you again, too."
Was that an attempt at a segue, or just commenting on the dinnertime conversation? It certainly could be the former, if they wanted to take it as such and run with it.
Well, though perhaps clear the table, maybe get everyone seated comfortably, and all that first. Since anything that needed to be talked about at this point was almost certainly going to be a doozy.
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As they settled in a little more comfortably, Waver cast Ritsuka a glance as he set out some tea.
"Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?"
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"You do seem to have something on your mind."
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"Yeah..." A pause. "... I'm not really sure where to start, though."
Unfortunately, it didn't save the trouble of actually explaining it for her. That part she had to figure out all on her own.
"I guess... Well, you guys don't know what exactly happened, huh?"
Of course not, she hadn't even told Yasuho the full details. For a number of reasons. But to address the thing that was weighing on her mind, some of those specifics were probably important.
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He said that in a carefully measured tone, aware of some terrible knowledge looming on the horizon that he would rather not have known. But if Ritsuka needed to speak about it, then...
"Did you want to talk about it?"
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"Take your time."
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That was a tough question, that Waver had asked. After all, if Ritsuka were being honest.
"... Not really. But... I think I have to."
If there was any chance of them finding a good answer to the questions she'd been starting to ponder in the aftermath, they'd need to know all the details. Maybe there was something she overlooked. And even if not, the only way to be sure they knew the gravity of it--that unquestionably, she should have died--they'd at least need to know that part.
Of course, it would frankly probably be good for her to talk it through, too, but that wasn't exactly what was on Ristuka's mind at the moment.
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He folded his hands neatly on the table and watched Ritsuka with a patiently calm expression; difficult to read, but deliberately so. Waver knew damn well he was going to hear the kind of thing that made him want to launch objects out windows, so best to get a lid on that temper now before it blew up.
"I'm listening."
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So that's what she did, beginning with her hurried efforts to pack up to flee the apartment when she realized something was wrong, only to already be too late. Then the short but all too one-sided conflict, as her every attempt at escape, or fighting back, or anything at all failed. Thanks to her time at Chaldea, she'd gotten used to having to report on things, so she was able to keep her voice clear and level even as she was almost brutally honest about how utterly ineffective her efforts at resisting had been.
Still though, her body language was another story entirely. While she might be able to tell of how Limbo had mocked her and her defenselessness with the seeming calm learned from sheer practice, it was doubtless clear just to look at her that those words, backed up by the sheer one-sidedness of the encounter, had hit her hard. Perhaps moreso than she'd even realized. But Ritsuka had always tended to be harsh on herself as it was, so having that very weakness exploited, being unable to defend herself or even use any of the powers or devices she'd acquired here, had definitely left a mark.
The last part was in a way almost mild by comparison. As gruesome as it was, somehow giving the details of how Limbo had finally 'killed' her was almost easier than the rest. Maybe because this was the part that she thought was most important and had been most prepared to tell, to make it clear how impossible it was to have survived. Or maybe just that the memory of the physical pain somehow hurt less than the emotional anguish.
Whatever the case though, it was clear the whole incident had taken place quickly. And even with having to describe all the details, it didn't take Ritsuka that long to tell. When she was finished she fell silent for a bit, needing a few moments at least to regain her composure after laying all that out.
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Once she'd finished, he didn't say anything. He didn't trust himself to open his mouth without cursing out Douman or screaming into his hands and being unable to stop. Instead he just...got up slowly, moved closer to Ritsuka in a few uneasy steps, and pulled her into a hug without a word. Let Diarmuid do the talking, he was always better at keeping himself composed anyway.
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He could read what affected Ritsuka most. Could feel the emotion she tried to keep back and in response there was little more than a clenched jaw behind a mouth in a firm line, an increasingly furrowing brow and a fist under the table curled so tight he was close to drawing blood in his palm.
Diarmuid remembered seeing her after revealing Douman's weakness, weak and battered in Hyrule and wanting nothing more than to hold onto her as if it would keep everything else away, as if he didn't already fail to protect this young girl he held so dear from a gruesome demise. That regardless of whether he was man or Servant, he should never have outlived even in a temporary sense. As if he didn't already fail to stop Ayato from meeting a similar fate had the laws of this world not given them similar... "gifts". Had Waver not pulled her into a hug, Diarmuid would have done so. And either way he still went right to her side and took her hand.
"When I was led to you," he began, his voice soft but strained at the furthest edge, "I was told you were harmed worse than when you needed to deploy 'Black Barrel', and I had already feared the worst. When I saw you alive, as I see you now, I feel relief.
As it stands now, I understand what really happened to you." You were killed by Ashiya Douman. And may the curse Diarmuid laid upon his name last. May the rage of Diarmuid follow him into the afterlife and every life after. He pushed that thought away, continuing.
"To face what you did was a brave act, to speak of it here more so. But it stands that it is not an act of bravery that should have been needed." Forgive this knight for not being there. Forgive this knight for not protecting you.
"You did everything you could have done. No fault lies with you. Remember that, though I realize it's difficult." Diarmuid promised he would do right this time. Is his desire to live interfering now with him protecting his da
"This chance you have been given is something to be grateful for... and I am, we are. Endlessly and eternally. Even if it may become associated with pain. When it becomes too much to bear, you will never be alone with it." Three times has Diarmuid died, why must Waver and Ritsuka be burdened with the knowledge of that pain as well?
"As I am Diarmuid ua Duibhne and he is Waver Velvet in this world. You aren't only the Master of Chaldea needing to maintain your composure every waking moment. You are Ritsuka Fujimaru."
And he joined in to hold her. As much in assurance... as in apology.
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Why was it that now she found herself shaking in Waver's arms?
She listened as Diarmuid spoke, as soothingly and comfortingly as the knight could. But even so, it wasn't easy to shake the dark feelings that clung to Ritsuka's mind, her heart.
"I--but I c-couldn't do anything. I, I tried, I promised to be careful, but...!"
Maybe if she hadn't taken so long in insisting on not leaving the pets, she would have noticed the wards sooner and been able to slip out the window and away. Or if she'd just been better prepared with some kind of escape plan. Or even just not let herself be alone for any length of time--
"... I couldn't do anything..."
If nothing else, this had just shown Ritsuka her own weakness and powerlessness, uselessness, beyond any shadow of doubt.
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Waver was careful to keep his voice calm and gentle, though it shook just slightly with some explosive cocktail of emotion he was struggling to keep from lighting.
"One can do everything within their power and even go past their limits to achieve a desired result and still fail. That's not your fault."
The ache of burning his Circuits to their limits time and time again; struggling for years to increase his strength by inches and still--still it wasn't good enough. Barely being able to protect everything he loved because he was born insufficient; was that anyone's fault, really? Logic said 'of course not'.
Insecurity, of course, settled the blame on the weak link itself. But that meant he could guess at exactly what Ritsuka was thinking.
"It's not possible to account for every variable or control every situation so flawlessly as to always achieve the desired result. That's not failure, that's just reality."
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"Strategies one assumes to be air tight may still be foiled by the unexpected. There will always be times a factor comes into play that could throw everything into disarray. But that is not something you need to blame yourself for."
Both he and Waver were hypocrites in this regard. Preaching what they cannot practice due to insecurity. I thought I could do it, I thought I could be better. It's all my fault. I could do nothing to prevent their fall. I was careless.
I shouldn't have let Gráinne see me.
And yet it's on that contradicting path he continued to speak.
"While we can't silence that darkness in your heart that may tell you otherwise, we can remind you that you did everything you could."
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She wasn't anything special, and it was situations like this which tended to really drive that feeling home. Limbo's mocking words still haunted her, telling her she was a fool for trying to get by on her own.
"But..."
It was a weak protest. Both of them had made good points. Logical points. But it was hard to shake the feeling of abject failure that the terror of it all had seared into her.
"...i-if I just c-could've..." Could have what? She didn't know, and her voice was shaking with her own barely contained emotion. All of the fear and disappointment and guilt she'd felt, but for the past month had managed to largely set aside for the time being.
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He certainly knew all about that.
"You did exactly as I asked and tried as hard as you could to protect yourself. No one could ask more of you than that."
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"You do not have to blame yourself for any of this..." And they'd remind her every time, hold her if she needs it like this. Help her carry this weight, this fear, this feeling of inadequacy.
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It was hard, even as she was trying her best to listen. To think about and grasp at those assurances. It wasn't her fault, there was no changing the past anyway, she'd done all she could.
You did exactly as I asked.
In another world, when her original resolve had once been shattered, she'd found a new one. To find a reason to live, to fight, to achieve something that she could look back and tell someone she'd looked up that she was proud of having done, a way of having lived. And what was that, in the end, but simply another form of seeking approval, of being recognized for a job well done?
While the spectre of self-doubt couldn't be so easily banished entirely, something still finally clicked as everything Waver and Diarmuid were saying added up. It did mean she could no longer hold back the tears, but there was a certain relief in that, too.
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Difficult as the aftermath was and still would be, at least she was alive to work her way through it.
"I'm just...sorry we couldn't do more to help."
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He apologized then. Even now he wished to beg forgiveness. But...
"What matters above all is that you are alive."
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And even once she'd mostly calmed down again, she wasn't in any particular hurry to pull away from that comforting embrace.
"... You guys don't need to apologize, either."
She'd had the most preexisting knowledge of Limbo and what he was capable of. If she hadn't seen the attack coming in time, there was no way anyone else could have, either.
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i'd apologize but i'm not sorry
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