kaisou | [sermon 6] oh the weather outside is frightful

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edward kenway

[sermon 6] oh the weather outside is frightful

WHO: Wolfwood, Vash, and you!
WHERE: the network
WHEN: the end of November
WHAT: sometimes God isn't done making your life a real, real gas and you, just a little guy, have to contend with wet shit falling from the sky and the dropping temperature, but not like, nighttime dropping temperature. you own two shirts, two pair of pants, a cheap pair of shoes, and so many sunglasses. help.
WARNINGS: Wolfwood's mouth, nothing else that I can foresee?

what's this, what's this, there's white things in there air; network post; text; un: ndwolfwood

so i know ya'll said that it was about to get a lot colder, but you coulda been more specific about how much colder it's gonna get. spikey walks around wearing all the blankets we got and i'm wearin' all the clothes i own and it's startin' to not do much. is it gonna get colder than this?

also what is that white shit? did ya'll blow something up and forget to tell me? it's like sand and ash had a shitty baby that makes me sprout hair when it touches my skin.

and uh
if anybody's got a lead for any odd jobs or part time work, we're down an income at the cottage so me and the beanpole would appreciate any tips. stuff more regular than the uh. quest board. stuff. i dunno if i can bonestorm for another week if shit goes sideways without there bein' casualties.

i like a man who's good with his hands; action; closed to vash

What in the world did you sign us up for, needlenoggin?

[ it sounds affectionate, at least; Wolfwood's not the most comfortable person with small animals or the elderly, but he's in a good enough mood that nothing's on fire and nobody's trying to make things be on fire. probably? some of the old biddies have a look in their eye, and Wolfwood knows he's amongst fellow monsters--but if they don't pull guns, it'd be weak of him to pull his first, so he keeps his hands in his pockets as he follows Vash to their assigned table.

at least the little weird dogs from the other other world are having a good time. it's probably what's doing wonders for Wolfwood's temper as they chirrup and yarp and feel all their little weird baby dog feelings, nosing into this person's craft project and that person's snack bag, leaving the undertaker with an expression that could be accused of being a grin if one squinted. ]

If one of these grannies tries to take you out, I'm lettin' her have you, yanno.

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It's called snow and it happens around this time every year in many places. I'd forgotten just how bloody cold it could be, though.

shit

you guys have never seen snow

i aint from around here so this is all new to me. when does it stop? is it gonna warm back up soon?

weather on no man's land consists of windstorms, sandstorms, and violent sandstorms that rip your roof off because they're full of wind.

this is, as they say, a new experience for me

yeah snow's frozen water

and yeah it's gonna get a lot colder

son of a bitch. at least they're only little dots here and there.

[ sweet desert child. ]

tsk. we should be kind of warm if we spend most of our time in the teapot. maybe we can put up some of the stuff we use to keep the rain off the animals on the walls inside the cottage to keep some of the cold out. what a pain.

[Ah right, the desert crew]

It is going to get colder, I'm afraid. I'm back in town, so if you like I can help you guys shop for some proper winter clothes.

[But while he's here]

By the way, do you know why there's mint all over town?

do me a favor and google "blizzards" real quick

March or so, thereabouts, if I remember correctly from when I was younger. It'll get colder before it gets warmer, though, so you're going to need more and warmer clothes. Something with fur, to start with.

And quite possibly stock up on firewood on top of that as well, if you've a fireplace.

Edited 2023-11-24 16:54 (UTC)

It’s snow. And as pretty as it looks, it’s absolutely dreadful.

This is only my second winter here, but it is likely to get colder, yes. Bundle up.

okay?

[ gonna use the googles, gonna use the googles, come back in ten minutes or so ]

cool so im just gonna give up and go live in the ocean as a seal can you make sure vash doesn't get beaten to death by teenagers with sticks or something
tell your uncle he doesn't get my bike when they're distributing my stuff and neither does his brother

dude we can get you guys warm shit and help insulate the cottage

that's just peachy, love that for me thank you
please help us get whatever the hell makes it not ass-freezingly cold before blondie melds with the blankets and becomes a new layer of weird

[ well
on one hand yes he does
on the other hand ]

iunno. plants grow where dirt is, i guess? i dont think too hard about it

it's also wet isn't it

i'm gonna be a fuckin blob until it goes away this sucks

the snow shit is just water right
i blob out when i get wet
do they make warm shit in blob shapes

they make waterproof winter gear?

as i continue to not come from here, what's a march and how far out is it

[ tf you mean something with fur

wait]

... is that a joke about the whole seal thing? low blow, man, low blow

i don't know what a fireplace looks like? what am i lookin for

an how much extra does that cost? you start adding words to stuff and it gets pricier

[ wolfwood economics 101 ]

honestly most of the winter shit you find around here is some level of waterproof

it's just the standard because wet clothes in the cold SUCKS

It's a month. It's the start of a new season called spring where it warms up and new growth starts coming in. And that's about four months from now.

[...oh shit he actually forgot about the seal thing.]

Shockingly, it's not a joke. Something with fur really will help keep you warm. Hell, if you can turn into a seal, you'll stand a much better chance of fending off the cold as one.

Great big space in the wall in your living room. If there's a chimney attached that's a fireplace. You put wood in, set the wood on fire, and it's supposed to warm your house until the fire dies down.

Will do. Next month is a holiday where there is a tradition of gift-giving to friends and family. It's optional for most people but I'm required to celebrate it, so I'll cover the costs for everyone in the cottage and we can consider that my gift to you guys. Okay?

[Two birds with one stone. Also last thing these guys need is an extra expense right now

And wow. What a persuasion attempt that was.]

Yeah, okay, that's true... but are you sure you don't know anything?

[He knows that stuff comes from the cottage Persephone's energy is ALL over it sir]

Edited 2023-11-24 18:23 (UTC)

Got any experience metalworkin'? I could use extra hands an' you sure as hells won't be cold hangin' about a forge.

[Somewhere in the cottage, Eve has switched over her wardrobe to long sleeve turtlenecks and warm leggings. Also burrowed in her wings like a puffy orb. The house is much less heated than Zodiac apartments.]

That's snow. It's what happens to rain when the temperature drops. The rain freezes into little ice crystals. If it's cold enough, they stick around on the ground and make everything white.

I could get more bounties!

[That's just the side quests with her doing them. But she hasn't tried after her terrible luck last time, maybe she can pitch in!]

I mean, yeah? Yeah Babe it's gonna get colder. It's only November. It's not even like DEAD winter yet. Please wear layers. Lots of them.

The white stuff is snow. Basically frozen rain. So they took a REALLY terrible thing and made it WORSE. I hate it. I've lived here for years and I still hate it. If I could steal the LA weather and bring it here, I'd do it in a freaking heartbeat.

You know you're always welcome at the Vogue if you need a little extra cash, Nick. Verg keeps poaching my staff, so it's fair game I do the same to his.

Heheh. Well...

I thought, we've done plenty of these quests in the past, but they're all crazy, involving fighting and other worlds and stuff, right?
So I thought, maybe, for the first time...

We could do something kind of laid back?

I've seen you fixing clothes back at the cottage! And last time I came here with. Libra, you know? He taught me how to crochet a bit--and I even brought the needles I had last time.

So.

...We could maybe do something a little. Fun this time?

[ look at all the baby pokemon, Wolfwood... ]

[ it's like the world's worst--what are those mini shows that show up on Kni's TV and try to hock you something? infomercial? as Vash does the verbal equivalent of dropping a pile of bowls on his head and flipping all the popcorn over his lap, wiggling and wriggling as they find their space and Wolfwood plops the bag he'd been given to carry down on the table.

he gives Vash a sidelong look, deadpan as one can be with sunglasses in play. ]

You think mendin' clothes is fun?

[ it's a playful sort of incredulity, at least. Wolfwood takes his seat, bringing up a hand to prop up his chin as he takes stock of what they're working with--the yarn, the needles, the thread, and the piles and piles of chubby little weird dogs that say their own names flitting from table to table in childish excitement, burbling out their interest in every little thing that they see with a single-minded sort of glee.

he breathes out hard through his nose and shakes his head. ]

Why do I let you sucker me into this, eh, blondie?

I've never done any metalworking but I'm strong and got taught how to maintain my own gun. I'm a quick learner.

...Eh, I started on less. [audible shrug] Think I can find a place for ya over at Seventh Spark in Undertown if ya like--'fraid my other set of hands's gone back home by the looks of it, so a bit of help'd be nice.

Edited 2023-11-25 16:43 (UTC)

Incredibly so.

It's the worst parts of rain without the benefits.

Oh, that would be snow. I guess it doesn't get that cold where you're from? But yeah, it'll be getting colder over the next few months.

Wait. What do you mean sprout hair?

[ Infomercials are the devil's creation and Vash hates them. Capitalism was a mistake etc--some of them just made him SO HUNGRY at like 3am when the restaurants or stores that weren't open at those hours!!!

Anyway, he gives Wolfwood a little crooked smile. ]

Any sort of work can be fun if you can have fun doing it, you know. [ he'll take the incredulity with stride, bouncing over to a table to make a home base of sorts for them--reaching down to pat the head of a nearby Pichu that's rolling around in loose bits of fabric. ]

And! You didn't say no. I don't remember you saying no. Which means, you Wanted to come along, right. Right?

[ someday, someone will teach the Desert Boys about Taco Bell and it'll be all over for some 19 year old at the university who just wants to make enough money for books and week. the 3AM cryptid with sunglasses and a desire for a gordita crunch supreme will be posted about online with equal parts trepidation and weird thirstposts.

sometimes Wolfwood fumbles stuff like they do in the informercials, just to exasperate Vash. Tupperware is a mystery not meant to be solved by mortal hands. ]

And what's fun about mending shit an' makin' new shit? That's just basic maintenance. Heya, lil' guy.

[ Wolfwood follows his bouncing blond, giving a little wave to the Pichu that the man patted, basking in his sense of young delight with the world, plopping down his half of the supplies. ]

I don't say no because then I know that you know that if you whine for long enough and loud enough, I'll eventually cave, and I was readin' about this shit online called Stockholm Syndrome... [ he says, even as he's draggin a chair over so he can plop into it. ]

[ they could probably destroy a small taco bell at 3am between the two of them. not a single taco left for the breakfast menu. no scrambled eggs, no bacon--it's all been eaten by a tall leaf man and his sunglasses wearing bodyguard.

tupperware was not meant to be handled by mortal hands, anyway. Alienware equipment. ]

There's plenty of fun things! Like making patterns with fun colours, or seeing the happy look on someone's face when you show them the finished product!
I bet--just imagine the look on Eve's face if you make her a cute pair of mittens.

Isn't that worth it!?

[ squonk.
Because of course he's going to whine, he always whines--vash the stampede is a certified, pro whine-er. ]

You know, if I didn't whine at you to come out and do fun things with me, you'd never do anything at all. You'd just ride around on your motorcycle, smoke cigarettes and lie in the grass.

[ Wolfwood has Vergil's company card. he could probably do some damage on a taco bell without him asking too many questions.

tupperware is technology beyond our kenning, but apparently the safe-t-save storage system was some crackerjack stuff-- ]

You like patterns with fun colors. I like black and gray. Do not invoke Eve in an argument, she is not your 'I Win' button to be paraded around all wibblywobbly when you're not providin' anything that actually appeals to me, you big ol' needlenoggin.

[ he's gonna reach out to ruffle Vash's hair and then get settled in on his stolen chair, eat it Myrtle, legs crossing as he gets comfortable. ]

Cool people ride motorcycles, smoke cigarettes, and lie in the grass, Spikes. I don't know what to tell you. We live in such drastically different worlds, you know. Do you think I can smoke in here?

[ the whining comes back, even as he's ruffled and fussed...!! His eyes going wide as the bottom lip comes out again--huff! Puff! ]

You could wear different colours, you know. I'm willing to bet you'd look GREAT in dark blue or something. [ not at all because his wolfwood sometimes wore those colours. nope. wolfwood was wolfwood was wolfwood. ]

And I'm not using her as a win button, I'm just telling the truth, here!! Tell me I'm wrong.

...

I think if you light up a smoke in here, you're gonna' get press ganged into stopping by a bunch of ... [ he shouldnt say old people, he's old people. ]

Dark blue is black for poor people.

[ what that means? who knows. Wolfwood's saying that and that's about all he needs to say on the matter, even as a Houndour puppy comes up to investigate him with a flurry of excited baby-chatter and Wolfwood finds himself ruffling his widdle flippy-floppy ears as Vash protests his innocence in the guiltiest way possible. ]

It's fine. Their bones are old an' brittle, I can probably hamstring them long enough to escape. [ he's basically the king of the old people in this room, unless Zhongli turns up with a knitting pattern and a Sunkern. ]

[ WHAT DOES THAT MEAN . he gives wolfwood such a confused look, his head sloooooowly tipping to one side; then the other...

and then a little chuckle escapes him. ]

Hey, don't hamstring old people. They have already been through enough in their old age.

[ he's gonna pick up a few patches of torn material, digging out some thread and a little box of needles... ]

Want me to show you how to do this?

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[sermon 6] oh the weather outside is frightful

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voice; un: shadeshift

text, un: eve

text: UN: hotgoss

>> hands're good

just hands?

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Text; un: Opera_Ghost

>> ;) maybe not JUST hands

hey baby u got snap

u kno it https://biblicallyaccurateangel--

oh why do you got an eye there babygirl

all the better to perceive you with

you can close some. maybe like. 50% of them. thank you.

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