[There is definitely a part of him that believes he doesn't deserve to be happy. It's the same part that wants to lay down and die where the demon is concerned. But he... can't do that. He told Dan Heng he'd try. He intends to.
He looks down at the bracer for what feels like a long time, just running his fingers over it, and thinking about the luminescent glow of emerald eyes lit by the moon. He'd been enchanted then, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enchanted now, even though it's a bit too early for all of that. Somehow, he feels that time won't change his answer.
Blade—that is, Yingxing—never thought he'd be able to love someone else. He never felt like he was born to love anything except the act of creation. He was born with a hole in his heart that he's been chasing for his whole life, trying to fill it with the things he makes, the accolades he receives, though none of it ever did the trick or came close. None of it... means anything.
He closes his left hand into a fist.]
I may not be able to reclaim my past with the way things are now, [he says finally,] but I can still do something about the future.
Maybe... things will change this time. We're not the same people, after all.
[He might have the same ceaselessly beating heart and he may have inherited that undying love, but he isn't the same man who lost his family to the borisin. He isn't driven by revenge. He's just... an artisan with piss-poor luck who's too stubborn to die.]
no subject
[There is definitely a part of him that believes he doesn't deserve to be happy. It's the same part that wants to lay down and die where the demon is concerned. But he... can't do that. He told Dan Heng he'd try. He intends to.
He looks down at the bracer for what feels like a long time, just running his fingers over it, and thinking about the luminescent glow of emerald eyes lit by the moon. He'd been enchanted then, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enchanted now, even though it's a bit too early for all of that. Somehow, he feels that time won't change his answer.
Blade—that is, Yingxing—never thought he'd be able to love someone else. He never felt like he was born to love anything except the act of creation. He was born with a hole in his heart that he's been chasing for his whole life, trying to fill it with the things he makes, the accolades he receives, though none of it ever did the trick or came close. None of it... means anything.
He closes his left hand into a fist.]
I may not be able to reclaim my past with the way things are now, [he says finally,] but I can still do something about the future.
Maybe... things will change this time. We're not the same people, after all.
[He might have the same ceaselessly beating heart and he may have inherited that undying love, but he isn't the same man who lost his family to the borisin. He isn't driven by revenge. He's just... an artisan with piss-poor luck who's too stubborn to die.]