I didn't have a choice--...no. No, I thought I didn't. If I brought you with me even in spirit form...I thought she would have taken that to mean I was completely full of shit when I'd already insisted I didn't want to fight her. I didn't--I don't, but...

[He shook his head, color starting to leave his face. He was hoping to have some semblance of composure. Up until now, he had. But the others didn't understand the situation like Diarmuid would. Didn't know what it was to carry the responsibility of the world's survival or how it felt to start to buckle underneath it.]

...mages kill each other all the time. I thought-...I was sure this time I wouldn't...

[Diarmuid always understood. And that was why Waver was finally starting to collapse into the scared child he actually was now that he stopped to truly examine literally anything that had happened in a matter of days. Months ago, but also barely minutes.]

I-I...

[Words caught harsh and stuck in his throat, eyes burning from more than just the campfire before them.]

...I failed as your Master. Because her Servant is-...is someone I was afraid to call you to protect me from.

[Staring blankly at nothing, Waver's voice cracked harshly as he tried to clarify.]

I couldn't-...I couldn't hurt you like that. And I was fucking stupid, I-it's my job to support you, for fuck's sake, I should have--we could have-